Blog Titles I’ve Written In My Head While Running

A lot of random stuff goes through my brain while running. Sometimes I wonder how the heck I’ll possibly have enough things to think about, especially for long runs. Sometimes I have too much on my mind and don’t want to think about ANYTHING (at which point I’ll pull up an audio book on my phone to distract myself). Regardless of my attempts to erase my brain Men in Black style, I can’t turn it off.

More often than not, my runs turn into a brainstorming session for the ol’ blog. You know, those moments when your brain is finally quiet and you come up with the most random ideas and question your sanity?

For a wonderful, thoughtful, relatable post about this, read this from my friend Gregg.

For a ridiculous, probably-should-be-embarrased-about-this post, you’re in the right place: Here are the compelling and not-so-compelling unwritten blog posts that have come to me while running. (I debated explaining the thought process behind why each idea popped into my head, but I think it’s more amusing to let your imagination run wild.)

• Here’s why I don’t give a shit what Gwyneth Paltrow eats for breakfast

• “Stop staring at my butt you creep” and other things I think when I run past guys

• Annoying things cyclists do (which starts out with “I’m a cyclist so I’m allowed write this post.”)

• “We’re such badasses, am I right?!” and other imaginary conversations I have with runners I see (Related: “I’m probably running longer than you and that’s why I’m slower so I hope you’re not feeling too good about passing me” <– I’m a jerk. And that’s most likely never the case.)

• Phrases I’d like to say to those drivers who wait an inappropriate amount of time for me to run to and through a crosswalk, causing me to begrudgingly run faster because s/he’s waiting there staring at me, when s/he could have just f-ing gone already (Alternate title: Nice things people do that annoy me)

• Sports I’d play if I were taller

• Sports I’m going to play because who gives a shit how tall I am

• Golf clubs and other random crap I’ve wasted money on (Alternate title: Why I have zero dollars in my bank account)

• “There are bugs on my face”: A list of disgusting things that happen on a run

• “Stop drinking wine*” and other annoying healthy living suggestions I would never ever follow   *unless I’m pregnant, duh, do you think I’m a savage?!

• Wind and other irrational things that elicit rage in me while running

• Girls who buy used lululemon clothing for twice the original price (yes, this is a thing) and other people I don’t understand

• Embarrassing songs I never actively chose to learn the words to but somehow still memorized the words to. (Read: Justin Bieber, Fetty Wap, Tech N9ne (Kansas City’s finest rapper), Rich Homie Quan. Yes that’s a person.)

• Reasons I love the Real Housewives of New Jersey

• I’d rather talk to the cable company for 2 hours than do a juice cleanse

Evidently my brain goes into a semi-agressive mode while running. Sorry about that. I swear I’m a nice lady.

What ridiculous things do you think about while running? Tell me so I don’t feel crazy!